Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in ehd7786's LiveJournal:

Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
4:20 pm	What Famous Leader Are You? personality tests by similarminds.com (Comment on this)
4:14 pm	What Classic Movie Are You? personality tests by similarminds.com i guess that's kinda cool. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 18th, 2005
9:26 pm	troy absolutely refuses to accept my help on his homework so my mom didn't make me, but i saw his problems and they seem so simple. hes doing geometry and surface area and volume of cones and hexagonal boxes and stuff like that. i know its hard for him because he is just learning, but i cant help but notice how simple they are compared to the calculus im doing now. and by the way, just to prove that not all my entries are angst-ridden bitching and moaning, i got a 100% on one of mr piening's tests and he recognized me in front of the class for the first time in my life and i've had mr. piening for 5 semesters. So im feeling pretty happy and intelligent about math, but more than that, its comforting, after looking at my brother's freshman geometry homework, to know that i have actually learned something from the four years of math classes that i have trudged through. This is especially reassuring at the end of the third quarter of my senior year when no class no matter what seems like its worth sitting through. Its just nice to know that, while it may be hard to see now, im probably not wasting my time. At least not as depressingly and completely as i usually make myself believe. So, that's all i really wanted to write, and I'm still completely devoid of inspiration on the Joyce paper, but i checked my grade on edline and (avoiding actually WRITING it) i calculated that i only need a 7.1% on this paper to bring my grade up to passing, which is really really sad. The fact that i spent the time to do those calculations in order to put off writing the paper, and the fact that i only care about passing. Well, on second thought, what's sad about that? the only reason i have ever felt compelled to get good grades was because i would need them to get into college. so i guess its actually a kind of liberating feeling to care only about passing, but i guess it is kinda sad that i don't try to do my best. actually i dont think thats really sad either; its just a phrase that has been burnt in my memory from my parents and teachers; i don't really give a shit if i do my best or not, and the only reason i have ever tried to excel was because of competition with others, and everybody knows that being competitive is always a good thing, especially when it comes to grades. (please please please realize that that is sarcasm) I could go on for a long time, rationalizing and justifying my lackluster grades, but instead i will work on my english paper, which i hope you will realize i'm doing in order to earn a high school diploma, and not to bolster an average. Why i'm i trying to explain myself anyways? i think half of me doesn't even believe what i'm writing, but the other half really passionately does. oh well, this entry is pointless except for diverting my creative juices away from where they should be so before i get started on some other topic i'm gonna go. Current Mood: listless (Comment on this)
9:20 pm	I wish James Joyce had never lived. My only reason for this journal entry is to procrastinate on this Marchal paper that's due tomorrow. I didn't understand the book at all so theres no way i can produce anything that isn't bullshit. well, my mom wants me to help my bro with his homework so i gotta go now, and maybe when im done i will actually start this essay. bye for now. Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 13th, 2005
10:52 am	Well, i don't really have much to say in this one, but i wanted to write some kind of follow-up to yesterday's entry. so last night i hung out with kayleigh which was really fun and i hadn't done in a while, even though she's like the closest friend i have. i really think that i subconsciously try to distance myself from people. i'm so self-conscious and worried about what other people think of me that when i'm around other people i can't just have fun with them. instead i end up just freezing up and trying not to say anything unless i'm sure that the present company will agree with me. that's probably why my life is so damned boring, but its like im paralyzed around other people. why am i so worried that i'll offend someone, or that someone won't like me? no matter what, there are bound to be some people who don't like you, so why can't i just be genuine and get people to dislike me for that, instead of people disliking me for being synthetic?now i'm getting into another one of my self-critical moods which is not what i wanted to happen, but picking myself apart is the only thing i'm proficient at. so last night after visitng kayleigh while she was under house arrest, i helped clean up at Xtravaganza. i got there when it was ending and it was the first time i had ever seen what Xtravaganza was like. my overall impression was: WAY TOO MUCH OLD LADY CLEAVAGE. i know the attire is supposed to be formal, but does that mean low-cut blouses? now, not all the moms were dressed like that, but it was like the ones whose boobs you really DONT want to see are the ones who serve them up like eggs on a platter. it was like a gymnasium full of that old lady in There's Something About Mary. *shudders* well now i better be going, cuz i have to get dressed and ready for the day. by the way, if you're gonna post a comment, don't do it anonymously. bye bye Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 26th, 2004
10:08 pm	So it's the day after christmas. I spent a good three hours finishing a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle with my dad. yeah, i have a life. and my fingers really hurt. i got a guitar yesterday and im learning to play with a dvd, and i haven't built up any calluses yet so it hurts to type, but i can't sleep and im sick of watching tv so i started a journal. so, im not quite sure who'll end up reading this. i don't read other people's journals so i dont really know if its fun or not. god, my fingers really hurt. lol. the only real reason i think im actually writing this is because i have like three college essays i need to have by sunday, and i really don't want to write them. procrastination is my only motivation to do random little things like these. who's hellishly brilliant idea was it to have an essay on college applications? they are horrible. they want to know why i want to go to their school! can you believe that? what do they expect me to say? that i think they have some great academic programs and that i really think i would fit into the school's environment? what if i just told the truth and said i have no real desire to go to college, but its what everybody else does after high school, so i'll do it too, since i have no idea what else there is to do? i doubt i'd get to passively go on to that college. CHRIST, i wish someone interesting would get online. i'm so bored. ok, this journal entry isn't going anywhere, so im gonna go spew some bullshit for some admissions officer to read. wish me luck. night. Current Mood: bored (2 Comments |Comment on this)